I have spent the past few years of my single life trying to harden my soul. I find myself becoming more and more detached and impassive, rather than welcoming a full spectrum of emotions. And lately, I have been asking myself Why?, Why are women sacrificing the most beautiful part of being female?
Men seem to crave a casual, care-free woman. Someone who will be flexible and won’t cry when things don’t work out. Someone who will go to bed with him and not develop feelings. Men long for this “half-relationship”. When they are within proximity it looks and feels like companionship: holding hands and cuddling during movies, whispering sweet nothings and talking about the future.
However, mixed signals lie between those moments of affection. He ignores your messages, he dates other women, and he constantly backs out of plans. He only wants a relationship when it’s on his own terms and in his own time. Consequently, women are forced to protect themselves.
Our survival instincts compel us to feel less. To stop being so emotional. We wear armour to defend against the sting of rejection and build walls to keep out the pain of betrayer. And by doing so, we slowly strip away everything that makes us human, everything that makes whole.
We must never let someone shame us for feeling.
Our emotions are always valid.
Our tears are always legitimate.
There might be people in the world who are afraid to confront their emotions. These are the people that will try to debase our right to wholeheartedly feel. They will resent us and our impassioned hearts. They will try to break down our spirits and make our emotions feel like a weakness.
And the only way to combat the negativity is to meet it with kindness.
Match it with love.
Because at the end of the day, it is our sensitivity that makes us stronger. It is our capacity to feel that will allow us to thrive.
Barakat Basiru writes
