By Vera Chidi Maha
As far back as I started having relationships, from my experience, the issue of sex always causes crisis, from selecting a good boyfriend to a good husband, from a good girlfriend to a good wife. Sometimes even when you select a good girlfriend, she may end up being a bad wife or vice versa. To be honest, not everything in life can be predicted as no one knows tomorrow only God.
Sexual problems on any individual can put a damper on your sex life which means they can lead to some “not so pleasant” relationship issues, especially if they go unaddressed. Yepa!
So, what can we consider to be “sexual problems?” Well, from my small girl’s knowledge, sexual problems, also referred to as sexual dysfunctions, are issues that arise before, during, or even after sexual activity. These problems can occur during any stage of the sexual response cycle, preventing you and your partner from receiving the “gim gim” sexual fulfilment you crave, during foreplay and/or sex that will make your eyes shine like electric bulb that doesn’t need NEPA.
Unfortunately, however, most of us are reluctant to talk about these types of “issues” for fear of being judged or seen as sex addicts. Not surprising that even when you become an adult in our society saying the word sex is almost forbidden giving people the impression you are either loose, lack home training or sex-starved person.
Well, good news is that most sexual problems can be successfully treated which explains why it is so important to discuss your concerns with your partner. Please, don’t keep quiet about it because that silence alone can cause damage, ignoring or pushing sexual issues aside can lead your relationship down a very rocky path and final destruction.
If your partner is the type to “run away” from talking about sexual concerns with you, you can try to read these words below and talk to your partner if per chance they are experiencing one or more of them. I didn’t say ask every second, use sense, but still ensure you have the discussion to help your relationship grow.
Sexual problems that could destroy your relationship
Unable to have an orgasm
I know some people would be hissing reading this by now, orgasm? How dare she talk about it? Well unfortunately, we can’t keep running away from it.
To some, orgasm does not even exist. They don’t even know what it means talk less of experiencing it. Being unable to orgasm can undoubtedly wreak havoc on your sex life and relationship. This condition can affect anyone, young or old. I read somewhere that it gradually decreases once women hit their 30s and 40s; however, it rises again when women hit their 50s due to hormonal changes.
One of the possible causes of this condition is that women have more casual sex during their 20s, which may account for the lower incidences of orgasms.
Other reasons you may not be orgasming include not being sexually attracted to your partner anymore, overthinking about orgasming during sex, feeling guilty for enjoying sex, and/or having other things on your mind during sex. This, I agree to and I have observed from my talks with other people.
Or, it could be that your partner is “too aggressive,” during sex, in other words your partner likes to do gragra in bed too much. Regardless, an inability to orgasm can hurt your relationship because everyone wants their partners to feel sexually satisfied, so if that isn’t happening, it can create problems in your relationship. There are ways you can address this issue. You can discuss with your partner the possible options to use to make life easier for you both. There are lots of options to explore. Feelings of shame, guilt and embarrassment can arise, causing the couple to grow apart. So once you notice there is a problem, get up and fix it.
Experiencing premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation refers to ejaculation (the release of semen from the body) that occurs before penetration or immediately after it – within one minute or less.
The exact cause of premature ejaculation varies, but the good news is that in most cases, premature ejaculation can be fixed. Men report this as one of their top sexual performance issues. How is it even possible not to be aware of your partner’s problem with premature ejaculation? It is possible to miss the signs, primarily because men with this issue often enter into relationships with women who have little-to-no previous sexual experience.
Why is that? Well, these men feel more comfortable with novice sexual partners who are unaware that they are experiencing premature ejaculation issues. Ironically, inexperienced women often find out their partners are suffering from it, not at the beginning of their relationships, but after dating for months or years or getting married.
If you are curious if your partner is experiencing premature ejaculation, ask yourself the following questions: “Does my partner ‘last’ as long as I would like him to?” And, “How long does it take him to orgasm?”
If the answer to the second question is “less than one minute,” then your partner may actually be suffering from premature ejaculation.
Experiencing low libido
Another common sex problem that affects both men and women is a low libido.
What causes low libido?
For a man, low testosterone, the hormone responsible for male traits (i.e. pubic, facial and body hair, deep voice and muscle tone) can cause a low sex drive. Testosterone also controls a man’s sexual desire and sperm production, so when it is low, it can not only negatively affect his libido but also prevent him from getting and staying hard.
For women, low libido may stem from a hormonal imbalance, past sexual trauma, stress and so on.
How can this affect your relationship? Well, it can cause your partner to avoid sex with you or you with him, which can lead to hurt feelings, low self-esteem, resentment, hostility and indifference towards your partner and the relationship.
The end result: The end of your relationship. May God help us.
Experiencing painful sex
Painful sex can also damage a good relationship. How? Well, when sex is painful, you are more likely to avoid it.
Women, who experience painful sex, tend to shy away from sexual activities with their partners. They may think it’s no big deal, but in reality, it can cause a myriad of relationship issues.
If you withhold sex, for fear of pain, without talking to your partner about it, it can lead to hurt feelings and hostility from your partner. The truth is sex shouldn’t be painful, but it is a common issue.
Having sex problems in relationships is normal. It occurs more often than you may think for many people. Keeping these issues to yourself only does more harm than good; therefore, it’s important to be open and honest with your partner about any sexual problems you are experiencing and check into a hospital or get a counsellor to help you sort things out. I wish you all the best. (The Nation)