Chelsea former captain and legend John Terry has spoken candidly about the emotional toll of missing a decisive penalty in the 2008 UEFA Champions League final, revealing that the moment pushed him into one of the darkest periods of his life.
The former England captain slipped while taking what could have been the winning spot-kick against Manchester United in the final held at Moscow’s Luzhniki Stadium. His effort struck the post, and Chelsea went on to lose the shootout, a defeat that haunted Terry long after the final whistle.
Now 45, Terry has admitted that the aftermath of the loss severely affected his mental health. Speaking on Reece Mennie’s podcast, he revealed that while alone in the team hotel after the match, he experienced suicidal thoughts before teammates stepped in to support him.
Reflecting on that night, Terry said he returned to his room overwhelmed by shock and disbelief.
“I remember going back to the hotel and standing by the window on the 25th floor, just asking myself, ‘Why? Why?’” he recalled.
“I’m not saying I would have jumped, but thoughts like that do cross your mind in moments like that.”
He explained that fellow players eventually came to check on him and persuaded him to leave the room, an intervention he now recognises as crucial.
“It’s those ‘what if?’ moments,” Terry said. “You just never know.”
The emotional weight of the defeat followed him into international duty just days later. Terry described how difficult it was to join the England squad so soon after the final, especially having to sit across from Manchester United players who had been on the winning side.
He also recalled scoring for England against the United States shortly afterwards, a moment that brought mixed emotions rather than joy.
“I remember thinking, ‘Why couldn’t I just swap that goal for that penalty?’” he said.
Although time has helped ease the pain, Terry admitted the memory has never fully faded. During his playing days, he was able to bury the disappointment by focusing on the next game, but retirement has allowed those emotions to resurface.
“Now that I’m retired and don’t have that weekly focus or the buzz of playing in front of fans, it hits me more,” he said.
“I still wake up in the middle of the night and remember it happened. I don’t think it will ever completely go away.”
Four years after the Moscow heartbreak, Terry finally found a measure of redemption when Chelsea won their first Champions League title in 2012, defeating Bayern Munich on penalties. Although suspended for the final after a red card in the semi-final against Barcelona, he was part of the squad that lifted the trophy, helping to bring closure to one of the most painful chapters of his career.
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