Popular relationship coach and lead pastor of David’s Christian Centre, Kingsley Okonkwo, has stirred widespread reactions online after advising men to raise their standards when choosing a life partner.
The cleric made the remarks in a series of posts on his X account on Sunday, where he argued that many men are gradually losing interest in marriage because they see it as a financial burden rather than a partnership.
According to him, men should begin to demand the same standards women often expect from potential husbands.
“Men, it’s time we start having standards too,” Okonkwo wrote. “Many of you are used to women who are liabilities, and that’s why more men are beginning to avoid marriage because they see it as a burden.”
He added that men should consider marrying women who can contribute meaningfully to the relationship instead of depending entirely on their spouses.
“Set standards that you won’t marry a broke woman. Look for a partner, not a dependent. Maybe that will encourage more women to work and stop seeing marriage or dating as a poverty alleviation scheme,” he stated.
Okonkwo also criticised the widespread belief that men must shoulder all financial responsibilities in marriage, describing such expectations as both “unbiblical” and harmful to modern relationships. While acknowledging that many women openly insist on financially stable partners, he said men should equally prioritise women who are willing to work and support the family.
The pastor also addressed men who intentionally prefer financially vulnerable women because it gives them a sense of control.
“Yes, some men prefer needy and dependent women because it boosts their ego and makes them feel in charge, but that approach does more harm than good,” he warned, adding that every individual has value and the potential to develop their abilities.
His comments quickly triggered mixed reactions across social media.
Some Nigerians supported his view, arguing that marriage should be built on partnership rather than dependency. One user, identified as digitalbimpe, said she believes both partners should support each other financially.
“Inasmuch as I want my man to take care of me, I will also take care of him. Being a man is not easy,” she wrote.
Another user, Ibukun Ogunsola, said if men clearly demanded partners instead of dependants, it could motivate more women to pursue financial independence rather than rely on relationships for support.
However, critics disagreed with the pastor’s position, insisting that providing for the family has traditionally been the man’s responsibility.
One commenter, blueasake, argued that men are expected to provide, lead and protect, while women focus on childbearing and nurturing the home.
Another user, edolefty, criticised the argument as an attempt by men to escape their financial responsibilities while still expecting women to carry out domestic duties.
“If a woman without money is a liability, then a man who needs his wife’s salary to sustain a marriage is also a liability,” the user wrote.
Amid the heated debate, some commentators called for a balanced approach. A user identified as Royalvessel suggested that both partners should contribute to the success of their marriage, whether financially or through domestic responsibilities.
“It’s a partnership,” the user noted. “Couples should agree on what works best for them, whether it’s work, childcare, cooking, or other responsibilities.”
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